I Feel Dumb.

Dear Moms & Dads,Do you ever feel like you are not smart enough to be responsible for the raising of your children?

Do you ever feel like you are going to let them down?

Do you ever feel like a failure?

Me too. Often. Painfully. Discouragingly. Desperately.

My children are grown and as I reflect on their school years, I felt like this a lot.

Now, I’ve gone back to school – and, some days, when I don’t understand what I’m doing, I still feel dumb. Emotional highschool meltdown dumb. My self-esteem and my self-confidence plummet and I feel inadequate and doomed to fail.

When my children were school aged and encountered a problem they didn’t understand, they came to me for help. If I didn’t understand it, I went to someone else for help.

Today, I’m studying medical math and I am really struggling to understand.

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I have fretted, stressed, gotten worked up, torn myself down, stuffed my notes in a corner and eaten cake. And then, finally, I asked for help.

I don’t understand my problem any better – yet – but I do know that there is support, encouragement and someone who does know what they are doing standing with me, now.

I can’t help but think how like our spiritual walk this is. We read the Bible and understand some things while glazing over others. We read the comments of Christians we know and love, on Facebook, but do not understand their reasoning. We choose sin over relationship with God – time after time – and just don’t understand why we are so weak.

I remember someone telling me once that the only dumb question was the one not asked. Over the years of my Christian journey, I’ve had a lot of questions. Sometimes, I can easily find the answers in my Bible, sometimes I ask a Christian friend or mature believer and sometimes I just have to give it over to God in prayer. Sometimes, I do all three 🙂

We’re going into a new year. There are lots of uncertainties ahead, but one thing remains the same: God’s promise to go before us, to guide us and direct us. To comfort us and sustain us.

Although cake tastes good in the moment, it is not very good for us and it won’t sustain us in a way that is healthy. Day one of this new year, let’s commit to finding our answers in the right place – at the foot of our Saviour.

Psalm 55:22

Cast your burden upon the Lord, and He will sustain you.

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